The American Political Landscape Revealed
by Molly Mosher | Contributing Editor
If you like Daniel, and you also think the United States should implement stricter gun control, text ‘VOTE’ to 4323 now. This is how the voting process will run when American Idol implements its new system. Pollsters everywhere are cashing in on the popularity of American Idol by adding an opinion poll element to the ballot casting process.
Not only can the viewers pass judgment on the singers performing what is basically graded karaoke, they will be able to pass on their judgments of hot topics in American politics.
The emotional introductory videos should impact voter opinion. Pitting a tear-jerking story of adversity and triumph against a hot political issue, the powers that be will most likely sway the masses to align with certain political ideals.
A person will acutely feel the tug of war between admiration of singers and deeply rooted personal values, which will lead to such moral conundrums as:
“Joseph gave his all and really performed tonight, but I am not sure if I want excess kittens and puppies to be euthanized.”
“I do think political power should be concentrated at the state level, but Georgie really fucked up on those melodies.”
“Tia has had such a hard life, and she really deserves to win…after such a long journey… but I am against abortion… I just don’t know if she is worth that vote.”
The pairing of American Idol with political discourse will ensure the American people are actually thinking about political issues, at least each time they tune in Wednesday nights.
At the end of the show, the answers to these hard-hitting questions will be revealed in an easy-to-read bar graph, so you can see just what percentage of American society you disagree with politically.